My oh my has it been quite a while. As I sit and read over my blog, it feels like I'm now living someone else's life. Now that our little Ethan has arrived, life at the Redmond household has certainly changed! We are busy with the daily ins-and-outs of life with a "new"born, though he seems not so new these days! He is now already 2 months old and I cannot believe how time has flown by. He has been such a joy to our lives and has opened a chapter that, before, was hard to imagine. Though Gabe and I used to sit and daydream about how life would be once our little munchkin arrived, I don't think that anything could have quite prepared us for being parents. There is no manual, [though it seems you can google anything and everything about having a child!!]. Once you leave the hospital you are on your own. There are no nurses, no call button, no "safety net". When we left the hospital, just days after Ethan was born, I was overcome with a sick sense of helplessness. I called my mom and, between sobs, cried that I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I have to chuckle a little in retrospect. When my mom told me that all would be fine and that we would just sort of figure things out, I hardly believed her. I think a little part of me thought that the first few days with Ethan were parent try-outs and that if we failed someone would come to rescue us [or take him away!!]. The first few nights were rough, to say the least. I, of course, being a first time mom, found myself, several times, staring at his little chest to make sure he was still breathing. The first night home, I actually had Gabe call the hospital nursery to ask [of all things], if it was okay for him to sleep in his pac n' play in our room or if he should be in his crib. My wonderful husband obliged, though I'm sure that, inside, he had a good laugh at my expense.
I had many nights of staring at my beautiful baby boy, crying with tears of joy. The minute I would even start to hum the tune of "You've got a friend" I would instantly tear up. At some point during my pregnancy, this popped into my head as my song for my little love. So, of course, hearing it played anywhere; the mall, the grocery store; my car...sends me running for a kleenex!
There were days of frustration, no doubt. Though he is, by comparison, an angel baby, he just plain had some bad days. There were bad days and then there were really bad days. However, looking back on it now, I realize that maybe they weren't so bad. It was more that at that point I just wasn't acclimated to knowing how to deal with a newborn baby. Now, 2 months later, I can pretty much handle whatever he throws at me. I feel like an old pro, though I know there's still a lot more learning to come.
Every day is filled with something new. Ethan surprises us everyday with a new smile, a new noise, a new face. It's amazing to see the world through his eyes because everything is so new and exciting. Mirrors, at the moment, are really captivating to this little munchkin. And the face he makes when he catches a glimpse of "that baby" in the mirror is priceless.
I am loving being a mom and I'm finally staring to find a groove that works for our family. I returned to work last week after an 8 week leave. Somedays I felt like it was flying by and other times I felt as if it were dragging on. As someone who is used to constantly being on the go, I found it hard to sit and relax. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy the time that I spent with my Ethan, but I found it hard to just sit. Everyone used to tell me to nap when the baby would nap. Nap? Not so much. I maybe napped all of 5 times while I was home. When Ethan was sleeping I turned into a tornado of "getting things done". Laundry, dusting, bills, organizing...if I had 20 minutes, darn it, I was going to make the most of it. This didn't surprise me, or anyone else that knows me for that matter. I hardly let pregnancy slow me down, let alone actually have the baby home!!
While it's still a process, our little family is enjoying life right now and all that it brings, even it's ups and downs. I am really trying to enjoy life for all that it is, which means taking the good with the bad and realizing that life isn't a fairytale. Things aren't always going to go as planned, no matter how much control I would like to have. Ethan isn't going to stay this little forever so I am determined to relish everything, big and small, that he does....